test :>
i changed the theme of the blog cause I wanted all the things to be at the bottom!! but i don’t have access to my computer, so I can’t iron out all the kinks rn 🙁
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ITS HIM!!!!
im mostly just testing out wordpress :3c i’ll finish porting over my archive soon!
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it’s… so weird, making comics again. i’ve been working on and off on justice avenue thumbnails for the past few weeks, because i missed the series and really wanted to engage with it in a soft reboot. i’ve gotten to the stage where I’m actually sketching the pages out, and man… i haven’t touched Untitled in two years, and while i have drawn and posted comics in the past few months, i haven’t really sat down and done a page and panel comic in a bit. the last time i worked on a page comic was mid last year! it’s a silly experience, and it makes me wonder why i’ve been so detached from it for so long. i wonder when I’ll go back to working on untitled.
i’m excited for justice avenue though. i really wanna make it fully indulgent. but i do think there’s still some anxiety i have with posting things online. i wanna share! but i think the anticipation anxiety of being gone so long is something keeping me from fully indulging in it. i think the only way i’ll overcome it is exposure therapy, unfortunately. so i have to get up and!!! post the thing.
however, i think other than that, i’ll keep stuff to myself for a while. mostly because posting anything at all stresses me out nowadays.(but thats a conversation for another time)
sorry to folks who like my work! but at least you get the comics! (and anything that i sporadically share)
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something that i’ve noticed recently is that i feel very uptight about the things i consider making a blog post about, and i think i really wanna change that!
especially since bearblog has a tagging system, I think it’s even better for me to kinda just Write Whatever I Want.
i also just have a Lot of thoughts and feel as though posting about em in a blog might do me good 🫡
it doesn’t have to be some polished piece of work for me to seem it worthy, it just has to be my thoughts, and… that’s about it! lol though for smaller thoughts, they’ll always be housed on my thoughts page. -
i just watched this short from john green talking about how after the fault in our stars released, he had a bunch of opportunities, his book got turned into a movie, he had all these deals… and he was living the dream!
but while he was grateful, he wasnt living his dream. and that kinda stuck with me.
i feel like its encouraged me to look inward and figure out what that means for me. after the past couple of years struggling with my mental health and also just what i wanted for my future as a whole, i kind of feel like ive fallen into the same line of thinking that the dream is the most desirable one… without really thinking what id want for me.
especially since now, ive fought for art to be a hobby for me again, it almost feels like i lost many years chasing something i never really wanted in the first place— and that i only really chased after it with the desire and thought that it would make me happy, fulfilled, and stable.i definitely know now that it wasnt the path i was meant to go on. nor do i think that everything was quite wasted on that path, despite all the roadblocks, trips, and cracks throughout.1
i feel like walking on a road that wasnt built for me, in part, helped me realize what comes more naturally.i guess the question now is: what next? do i go looking for that answer knowing now what im meant to be looking for? looking for what ‘my dream’ really is?
i suppose so 🤔 its better than feeling aimless like i had been for a while.
though i do know… when i retire, i want to run a bookstore cafe. i want to have a third space for people to go to after school, or work, or whatever. mostly full of comics, graphic novels, and manga, since we dont have many independent stores that sell those, at least around here. usually my job ideas revolve around books2 so……..
lets start there 🫡(theres probably more i could say about this tbh, but!!!! brain is pbbt, so maybe another time)