i just watched this short from john green talking about how after the fault in our stars released, he had a bunch of opportunities, his book got turned into a movie, he had all these deals… and he was living the dream!
but while he was grateful, he wasnt living his dream. and that kinda stuck with me.
i feel like its encouraged me to look inward and figure out what that means for me. after the past couple of years struggling with my mental health and also just what i wanted for my future as a whole, i kind of feel like ive fallen into the same line of thinking that the dream is the most desirable one… without really thinking what id want for me.
especially since now, ive fought for art to be a hobby for me again, it almost feels like i lost many years chasing something i never really wanted in the first place— and that i only really chased after it with the desire and thought that it would make me happy, fulfilled, and stable.
i definitely know now that it wasnt the path i was meant to go on. nor do i think that everything was quite wasted on that path, despite all the roadblocks, trips, and cracks throughout.1
i feel like walking on a road that wasnt built for me, in part, helped me realize what comes more naturally.
i guess the question now is: what next? do i go looking for that answer knowing now what im meant to be looking for? looking for what ‘my dream’ really is?
i suppose so 🤔 its better than feeling aimless like i had been for a while.
though i do know… when i retire, i want to run a bookstore cafe. i want to have a third space for people to go to after school, or work, or whatever. mostly full of comics, graphic novels, and manga, since we dont have many independent stores that sell those, at least around here. usually my job ideas revolve around books2 so……..
lets start there 🫡
(theres probably more i could say about this tbh, but!!!! brain is pbbt, so maybe another time)
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